So on Wednesday I get another c-section to take Juniper out early because I have pre-eclampsia again. Until then I am stuck in the hospital being monitored and waiting. I keep being reminded how much things are last time but my optimism fades in the early morning after sleeping alone. I want to go home to my bed and husband. I want to snuggle with my monkey and be pestered by my animals. I don't want to get sliced open again. I don't want someone yanking my baby out of me.

It's early and the Ambien hasn't completely worn off so I'm going to lay down more. I'm sure I'll have regained my composure by then.

So my friend Courtney posted about how she watched A Baby Story on TLC and won't be doing that again since all the screaming and such was scary (personally I think those shows are deterrent to ever wanting to get pregnant but that's me). A few of her friends chuckled and told her not to worry that getting an epidural was her friend. I mentioned there were other ways to give birth and ease pain too (I really like the idea of hanging out in a tub myself). The difference in their stance and mine got me wondering again why I was choosing to give birth the way I was.

I have no real personal issue with epidurals. My friends Diane and Kat had them and Dennis's mom swears by it (6 kids all natural and if I remember correctly only got the epidural on the last one). While I understand the increased risk of more intervention and thus problems when you use it I don't see it as the evil that some women do so why not go that route for myself? I realized then that it wasn't so much a fear that the doctors will sweep in and take over anymore, though that was part of it when I first made the decision I wanted to birth outside a hospital, but rather an intense desire to be there, completely, for all of it even if it sucked.

When Kimberly was born I was put under for an emergency c-section. My mucous plug hadn't come out, my water hadn't broken, and I hadn't even experienced a Braxton Hicks contraction let alone a birth contraction. I ask Dennis repeatedly to tell me what it was like when she was born because I was unconscious. This complete disconnect was compounded by not seeing Kimberly for two to three days after she was born and not being able to take her home for another month. Now this time I want nothing separating me from the birth of my baby even if it hurts and sucks because last time it hurt and sucked but I didn't get to be there.

I've said it before and I'll say it again, I'll go through the same birth with Juniper as I did with Kimberly if, like it was with Kimberly, it's needed. If I need intervention of any kind I'll do it and barring some sort of screw up be grateful to the doctors for being there to give it but this time my biggest desire is to be there as completely as possible.

So today I will officially state that I feel like I did a good job as a mom. I didn't yell a lot (which is a really bad habit of mine) and made every effort to meet Kimberly's needs and interact with her. I even stuck to my promise of going to the park (which is a mile walk there and another mile back) despite it being late in the day before we got out the door.

We had a great time at the park too. I pushed her a lot on swings (she even pushed me once). We went down the big slide three times. We did the big see-saw and the little see-saw (where I learned from a nanny there a cool rocket ship game to play). She played on the jungle jim for a while while I finally took a break. I even let her play on the splash pad which unfortunately ended in tears when she slipped in conked her head on the concrete. She's ok but it was a tough walk home after that and I ultimately carried her some of the way when she didn't want to walk anymore.

Overall, despite the sadness and tears from the hurt head, it was a good day. I have the best daughter ever.

( Read more... )

So a friend of mine on Facebook posted this link: http://www.massagetoday.com/archives/2006/03/11.html with the following part highlighted " Pitocin was first synthesized in 1953, and became available for use two years later. By 1974, it was an established medical fact that its failure rate was 40% to 50%. In 1978, an FDA advisory committee removed its approval of pitocin for the elective induction of labor. Interestingly, the drug never was approved by the FDA for use in augmenting labor."

I read this and went "That seems odd. I'm sure I would have heard something before now on that. I'll go look that up". I googled "approved uses of Pitocin" and didn't get anything and then a lightbulb went off and I skipped the whole google part and went the FDA.gov instead. I looked up Pitocin and found the current approved label in pdf form. Guess what: It is approved for augmenting labor. Several other people had already commented on the article with things saying they had cross-posted the article and other agreeing statements. Clearly none of them had taken the time (ie the 7 minutes) to look up the information on the fda's site. So I posted the following response to the link:


"Except if you go the FDA site and look at the approved antepartum uses it shows that it is approved for that. Wonder why they got it wrong at massagetoday.com?

http://www.fda.gov/cder/foi/label/2007/018261s028lbl.pdf

"Antepartum: Pitocin is indicated for the
initiation or improvement of uterine contractions,
where this is desirable and
considered suitable for reasons of fetal
or maternal concern, in order to achieve
vaginal delivery. It is indicated for (1)
induction of labor in patients with a medical
indication for the initiation of labor,
such as Rh problems, maternal diabetes,
preeclampsia at or near term, when
delivery is in the best interests of mother
and fetus or when membranes are
prematurely ruptured and delivery is indicated;
(2) stimulation or reinforcement of
labor, as in selected cases of uterine
inertia;...." (There is more but that doesn't have to do with labour).

Nothing hurts the birth choice movement more than misinformation."

People don't fuck around on shit like that!! This is medical and this is serious. Also the worst thing you can do for any cause is post and share misinformation that can so easily be proven false.

I will not get into the rant that started forming in my head when I saw that the article links Pitocin and Autism because I have a child to care for and need my sanity. /rant

Tags: misinformation
Current Mood: angry

We got to hear the baby's heartbeat today. It was so awesome I almost cried. In two more months we'll find out if it's a boy or a girl.

Current Mood: cheerful

I am happy.

Current Mood: happy

Ben and Jerry's start their own special dairy farm! I can't wait to try this!

After 5 months of living in Portland I'm done. It's too cold and wet, and quite frankly the weather changes too often. I miss the consistency of Phoenix. You rarely had to worry about bringing an umbrella because even if it did rain it only did so in 10 minute bursts. So by this time next year I'm going to be back in Phoenix, just in time for summer.

She would be Gir becase she acts just like this:



Especially the "I'm naked!" part.

Current Mood: amused

Name:Wendy
Age:28
Due date:10/31/09 (it really doesn't get cooler than that)
Location:Portland
How did you feel when you found out you were pregnant?:Thrilled and terrified lol
How did you break the news to the other parent and to other key people?:Called and excitedly told him, nearly everyone else I told online
What are your thoughts about being pregnant and becoming a mom, or thoughts on being a dad?:I'm excited, calm, and scared
What things are you looking forward to after the birth?:After the birth? I don't know really because most of what I focus on is getting through the pregnancy
Other children's names/ages:Kimberly Jade age 3
Type of birth you are planning (natural/medicated/c-section, home/birth center/hospital):natural birth at a birthing center or maybe at home
Any special circumstances surrounding your pregnancy?:Not that I'm aware of....
Was your pregnancy planned?:Yup
How long were you TTC?:A month and a half

So we're in the kitchen and I say "I'm pregnant" and the following exchange occurs:

Kimberly: "Oh I'm pregnant too"
Me: "No sweetie you're not pregnant."
K:"Why I not pregnant?"
At which point I bust up laughing because she's three and no immediately appropriate comes to mind. Dennis however was on the ball with this: "Because you're three". I think that's a perfect response since it answers the question without getting into the details.

Current Mood: amused

I think I have fallen in love with Kimberly even more today as she asked, for the first time, "Why?". She had placed her guitar periously on chair and I asked her to move it. She looked at me with her head slightly cocked and asked "Why?". At first I wasn't sure I heard her right and then she repeated it so I told her it could fally down and break. She said "Ok Mama" and then moved the guitar to a safer location. I was so proud of her. I love watching her brain work and process.

I have the best Monkey ever.

We gave Kimberly a spare iPod Touch and she has discovered Youtube. Currently she is watching this, a step by step guide to destroying civilization with nanotechnology:



Is this a bad sign? Or just harmless entertainment?

I just checked my e-mail and apparently Dennis was overcome with geekiness during the night and sent me this message:

"Warning: Wife 2.0 has been infected with Trojan pregnancy2.0 virus"

Now I have a big smile on my face and am reminded once again why I have the best husband ever.

On a completely different note: It's really snowing outside! We have big huge flakes and it's so thick the restaurant near by is hard to see (except the big red roof). I hope a good bit of it sticks so we can go play in it. It looks like a snow globe gone crazy.

So apparently some hackers are getting into mod accounts and spreading a virus using LJ communities. Here's the link to the lj post with all the info http://upstart-crow.livejournal.com/346623.html . It's a quick read but well worth looking at before you click on any links in your communities.